Clearing the air
A few of you are already aware of a situation that happened a year or two ago between me and another individual on this site - an off-site exposure that led to a privacy panic causing me to clam up and delete my account. If you're not aware of this, it's best that you just skip this blog post...
Future silence and blocking from the other individual led me to believe that this exposure was done through either ignorance of my request to avoid any off-site recognition or of malicious intent. Mutual blocking for a while resulting in us not being able to contact each other directly during this time.
Provocations came and went, until about 6 months ago when it went silent and I assumed the whole situation had blown over as it should have, and then last night, the incident was suddenly brought up again.
It was at this point where I attempted to reach out to the individual via another member of this site who was able to help with the communication where we finally were able to share each side of the story.
All events regarding this before now were born out of one-sided viewpoints of the event, and I believe that last night was the first time that both viewpoints were in the same place and when finding out and mulling over both viewpoints, I should mention the unbiased two-sided account of the event:
The individual did make a mistake in sharing additional identifying information about me on an action photo involving me off this site. I made sure on the day to stress that I wanted to be unidentifiable on whatever he shares offline. This was kept to, but on being asked by another person who knows me asked if it was me, to which he replied privately to that person with my first name and location.
Whilst not clear at the time this was an honest mistake as he felt pressured to reply.
My reaction on finding out the exposure was clamming up and removing my account after I had matches I already committed to up to that point. I then rejoined once the panic was over and since then wanted to be clear that I will be very cautious regarding action shots etc.
No names were mentioned, but some people managed to figure out who the individual was, and again led to quite a lot of toxicity being directed towards him. While I was aware of a small portion of this, there was a lot of toxicity I wasn't aware of and it has been haunting him for a long time. At this time, those people only saw one side of the story and also assumed - like me - that the off site exposure was down to ignorance or malice.
The individual had a lot of remorse for his mistake and never understood why he was receiving so much toxicity. He thought that I was deliberately riling these people up against him knowing that they can connect the dots and figure out that it was him. This led to him fluctuating having a membership on this site.
This then leads up to last night. I got the other side of the story and can pretty much summarise the viewpoints as follows:
On my side, I thought the exposure was ignorance or out of malice, when instead it was in fact an honest mistake when pressured to reply.
On his side, he feels I have intentionally been riling up toxicity against him as an overreaction, when it was in fact nothing of the sort. I have not mentioned him by name and did not write what I wrote in the hope or knowledge that someone could connect the dots. My reaction was to delete my account to cut the link as a knee-jerk reaction, and the cautionary stance I take now, even explicitly mentioning the event to illustrate why, I do so to avoid this incident happening again.
On everyone else's side, whichever side of the argument they were on, they never had the full story. Today (and last night) was the first instance that somebody had both sides of the argument and saw the misunderstanding. Before then, it was all one-sided 'anger totems' on both sides.
The person who helped mediate this has stressed the individual's remorse about this whole situation and that he has took extra caution himself. As this was all a huge misunderstanding that took way too long to get to this point, I please ask:
- Please understand that the off-site exposure was simply an honest mistake from the individual.
- Please also understand that there was no deliberate riling up to identify and shun the individual.
- The toxicity directed towards both me and the individual regarding this situation is simply human nature from only hearing one side of the story. We both want this to stop. Please understand that people on the other side of the argument simply only know half the story.
- This individual will NOT sneak in candid photos or willingly break privacy requests. Even at the time of the incident he was very open about filming portions of a match. There were absolutely NO hidden cameras or anything at the time. I don't know who came up with that assumption, but it is clearly wrong.
- The individual just wants to enjoy matches unhindered and unbiased by this simple honest mistake. If you have any other problems with him, then fair enough, but regarding this issue in particular, please DO NOT harass or send any toxicity his way. He has also taken extra steps to avoid running into a situation like this again.
This is an essay, but I feel I needed to clear the air as soon as I got the new information from the other side of the argument. I hope that this blog post marks the next step of putting this all in the past and out of everyone's mind, because at the moment it feels wrong to say nothing when something needs to be said.
Thanks again to the other member who helped me pull all this together as one big misunderstanding that got way out of hand for being left unresolved for so long. Better late than never, but I wish it was sooner.