I keep reading Recommendations where guys go out for lunch or dinner after a match. Never has happened in my life, other than a small group gathering a few times over the years.. Wonder how common the one-on-one thing is? Really seems like a nice thing to do to make interactions more meaningful, as we don't live by the action on the mats alone – and something nice to encourage.

I hope it is not merely something which is put in the recommendation merely to add "color" to making the guy appear all the greater? Same goes for the purported hanging around after the match: That would be cool as well. In the meantime, am waiting for an opponent to happen by, have a hot match, and wander over to a neighborhood place to eat afterwards – at least you could hang out here and we order food to be delivered.

Looking forward to finding men who are interested beyond the match itself and the occasional concurrent or subsequent all-to-rare "benefits"

PS: I'm going to keep this alive for a few days. The info about the issue of the separation of wrestling and friendship intrigues me (actually I find it disturbing) and I feel needs addressing. Best thing probably is to post serious constructive suggestions how we all can be more sociable/friendly amongst ourselves off the mats – at the same time not castigating those men in circumstances which preclude doing anything more than a quick wrestle/grapple and a quick departure.
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Last edited on 5/14/2018 5:45 AM by Spruceman
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Comments (34)

LuckyLarryLoser (33 bronze) 13 days ago

I have had lunch with a handful of guys after wrestling. Actually I never suggested it they brought it up. Made me think there was something wrong with me. All lunch meetings were well worth the time to get to know each other better.
Overall though I have been told out right that wrestling is wrestling and friends are friends and those boundaries are not crossed.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

Boundaries not crossing? Egads!! What is wrong with some of us? I can understand where there are time constraints (such as a guy can only sneak away from the wife for an hour total); but why should wrestling and friendship be Two Different Worlds?

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Squashlad (246 platinum) 13 days ago

If you've enjoyed the guy's company and you've got the time, why not spend a bit more time with him after you're too exhausted to wrestle or grapple more? As you say, it's all part of the enjoyment. I'd say I go for a post-match pint about a third of the time, and a meal with about one guy in ten, and it's a really pleasant way to get to know him better.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

If the day comes, I believe there should not be some post-match brotherhood (if time permits), that might be the day I believe I am starting to die – soul first.

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LuckyLarryLoser (33 bronze) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

I’ve been told that many times. Even had a guy tell me I was intrusive because this should all be fantasy and never blurred with friendships.
Of course he was married.
I told him I wasn’t his therapist and wished him well.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

This is absolutely amazing. I never thought that an innocent post of mine in quest of what I would call brotherhood could reveal something like this going on. While there could be not stats on how many men do feel like that, it could explain some things said/done by some of the guys I have met. Haven't heard of such even amongst guys into the fantasy worlds of video games, into sci-fi/fantasies, the Brokies, interact outside the primary reason for getting together. I do hope that other world of belief is limited to a hardcore few. LLL: I hope we meet a second time to wrestle, AND a meal – even if its merely heating up something to share here at the house.

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LuckyLarryLoser (33 bronze) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

Great blog as always.

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jimmyterrific (20) 13 days ago

I like your blog, very nice, cannot wait to see you, I would love to go out to eat with you after our match

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jimmyterrific (20) 13 days ago

I would think that it would really be great to wrestle you, have a great time on the mat as well as later. I am really looking forward to meeting you for the first time, I know you have so much experience, and I want to learn from you some of that in our short time we will have together, thankyou for listening to me.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

Jimmy, I plan many matches with you, and then some. We are going to be doing some hard, rough training while you visit. So more than one meal for sure

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 13 days ago

(In reply to this)

If you have the time available; and we mesh as well as common friends say we will, it could go beyond the three weeks, especially if we can bring in guys to wrestle/prapple/GP us.

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edscissors (22 platinum) 13 days ago

I always enjoy getting to know the people I meet here so it's quite a surprise that some of you just want the fight and ... goodbye. But one of the great strengths of this fine site is that most members are tolerant, considerate and respectful of each other's wishes so - it takes all sorts. Personally, I'm thankful for some good people I've met here whom I would consider friends, some even close friends. It's a great site.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 12 days ago

(In reply to this)

It is the best site for finding wrestling/mma/related action. I raised the issue more as a query as to the amount of socializing we do off the mats. A friend from the Pacific Northwest tells me most the guys he knows do get together for doing things off the mats socially. I would like to see that imitated here in the Washington DC area and anywhere else wrestler/fighters appear to fall short.

This site, I felt, is the best venue to raise the issue; as my experience indicate it is the most respected and has the most REAL wrestlers/grapplers of any of the sites. Maybe raising the issue will help folks think about being yet more sociable if their circumstances in life permit. I would like to see more interaction amongst us both on and off the mats.

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zultac (58) 10 days ago

(In reply to this)

If I am given a choice of wrestling for 3 hours with a guy or wrestling an hour and a half and going to eat for an hour and a half, give me 3 hrs wrestling every time. We can talk between matches while we rest. We can talk on the phone anytime if we are "friends". I've suggested meeting for coffee or dinner when a traveler comes into town and neither of us can host. If I have been talking to somebody online for years and I am going to be traveling to their neck of the woods, and neither of us can host, I have been known to suggest coffee or dinner.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 10 days ago

(In reply to this)

Not daring to suggest sacrificing time on the mats–more likely to hope someone is willing to forestall heading home to watch TV, or dawdle on the Internet, or something else not really pressing on his schedule

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StrikeFighter (45 support) 10 days ago

(In reply to this)

Great topic for a blog post. I followed Jedi's example and worked out the percentage of fighters I've hung out with socially after a match: 23 out of 45 past opponents, so just over 50%.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 10 days ago

(In reply to this)

Congrats to both you and your fellow wrestlers to have such amazingly high proportion who have done this. Beyond the wildest of my dreams. If you ever travel my way, I want to tangle (1) in case it's something acquired by body contact. (2) I think you'd be a great action on the mats. (3) You'd hang around afterwards for a while.

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StrikeFighter (45 support) 9 days ago

(In reply to this)

Thanks, but unlikely to travel to the US.

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Merseywrestle (67 platinum) 12 days ago

I have had several meals or coffees with guys I have wrestled after a match as I enjoy the chat aswell as the grapple. It's nice to get to know a guy but also we have found other things o talk about other than wrestling. I have made some very good friends on here that way.

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luv2wrstl (9) 12 days ago

I don't get the chance to often take an opponent out to lunch, but I for sure make time to get caught up on life. Two of my best friends have come from wrestling :)

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lovetoroll (0) 12 days ago

had a match like that afterward took me to Chinese dinner.we talk ,now he comes over every week , not to wrestle to talk , he did hint sex , but even though wrestling was fun, sex with him no, became friends

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surrey71 (28 gold) 12 days ago

I’ve made a few really good friends through here. I think it’s important to try to have s connection with a guy you face - wredtling is such an intense sport, that having your opponent become a friend is a huge bonus!
There are a couple I’ve been more than happy to stay over - as trust has built over the years!
The idea of being social - and NOT talk about wrestling is important, aswell as sharing a coffee before - get to know the guy you’re meeting and it’s also a great way of gauging how the match can unfold - can you trust him not to go mental etc..
I’m extremely thankful for the handful that I now consider very very close friends!!

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 12 days ago

(In reply to this)

Good to see there are guys here who are not the "Tapout 'n' Runout" mentality. Maybe I need to make my invites as being more clearly as social. Perhaps guys misinterpret them as unwelcome solicitations for sex – hardly 'appetizing' to most, coming from a man my age.

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Jedi (28) 12 days ago

Looking at my past matches and recalled if we went out for a meal after the match, I came up with an average of 23% of my matches included going out for a meal/beer after we wrestled. Looking back, those were memorable times spent with new friends, talking about life, work, struggles. If time permits for both guys, I'd recommend the attempt.

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synxiec (32) 12 days ago

I’ve Run Into This Sentiment, But Rarely Has It Been Turned Down When Offered. I Usually Ask If People Have Not Made Time Constraints Obvious.

My Last Match Had Some. Before That? I Wrestled, Went Ice Skating, Got Cider, And Walked The City.

Some People Need That Feeling Of Hostility To Fuel Their Wrestling, So They Avoid Making Friends. That’s The Answer I Got When I Last Asked. It’s Surprisingly Common.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 12 days ago

It's heartening to read it happens – life's competing obligations might keep it down to 20 or 25 percent; but it sure beats near 0 percent. Think I'll put the idea back up into my profile, despite it already being a bit lengthy. At least eating place within a 15-minute walk from here.

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synxiec (32) 11 days ago

(In reply to this)

The Walk Would Be Good Exercise.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 6 days ago

(In reply to this)

Hosted two guys yesterday for a few hours. One had a solid reason to leave at the end of mat action; but the other suggested that he, my husband (who doesn't wrestle) and I go get something to eat. Nice leisurely 15-20 min walk over to a quiet restaurant for nice conversation – there and walking each way.

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zultac (58) 6 days ago

Always include the hubby...

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 6 days ago

Especially when Fritz and Cal got along well; and served as cameraman for pics of Cal and me on several occasion. Gonna miss Cal; but he thinks his job will send him on some short missions to DC a few times a year. On top of his leaving, is Just_Dan (my other most-frequent rasslin mate) will be scarce the next 3 or so months. He's into hang gliding and will be going to Europe and several hang gliding ventures – plus family travel.

I'll probably put up a post in the mid-Atlantic group for training partner(s). I did put up a post there for the next Claymont, Delaware event;

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zultac (58) 6 days ago

(In reply to this)

I sent a text message to your smartphone. Did you get it?

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 6 days ago

(In reply to this)

no text action since just before yesterday's action on the mats.

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 6 days ago

(In reply to this)

Reckon if the phone ain't smart enuf to receive a text, we'd hafta call it a mighty damn dumb phone

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Spruceman (58 platinum) 5 days ago

Also of interest is frequent reference to "Great off the mats" or "with great stories" [aside from reference suggesting "playing around."] See it a lot; but have seldom experienced it; so maybe I'm failing at something as a host. Don't know if I were a guest of someone if that would happen; as would need local invites for that

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