Take the test. What kind of fighter are you?

Question 1. The day of the fight arrives. He's mesmerisingly handsome and built like a pro. What is your first reaction:

A. Yeah but I have three black belts so I'm going to own him and mess that face up.
B. Hubba hubba.
C. Fuck, I'm doomed.

Question 2. Do you have a training plan?

A. Yes. High Intensity Interval training twice a week, techique training three times a week, weight training, swimming, long distance running, yoga every morning, self-flagellation, cold showers and a diet of nuts and yak's curd.
B. I'm being measured for a pro style leotard with extra low cut chest and shorter legs. In shimmering black and gold spandex. Oh and some baby oil... does this make me look fat???
C. I plan to train. I just plan not to train today. Or tomorrow....

Question 3. He has you in a painful headlock. What do you do?

A. Shift my centre of gravity by means of a few changes in the position of my feet, double reverse twist and roll away to the side so that I can use the momentum for an effective take down.
B. My god he looks hot from here..ouch...! I do like that manly smell...ouch!!..just a few seconds more...
C. Tap...TAP TAP!!! He hit me! Fuck... :(

Question 4. The match is over. What is the first thing you do?

A. Shake hands and make notes of your technical failings so that you can add them to your training plan.
B. That's between me and him unless it's a threesome. Is a threesome OK? Hello ;)
C. Pub!! Of course. What are you insane??!

Question 5. What part does fighting have in your life?

A. My life is like a Shaolin temple. I am my fight and my fight is me.
B. Hmm. Muscle, spandex, sweat, a little pain, lots of heavy breathing and a bit of gentlemen time in that delicious post match buzz. But my partner doesn't know about that... <g>
C. None at all but I like making friends and looking at pictures.

Question 6. What is your most abiding memory of fighting?

A. Delivering a KO in round 1 to a black belt with a quick double cross, left hook and uppercut
B. Oil wrestling a really hot stud who I had been lusting after for years and who didn't disappoint when he was visiting my city.
C. I miss WoS.

Question 7. And finally....

A. Wanna fight?
B. Wanna fuck?
C. Wanna beer?

How you scored:

Mostly A. I am fairly sure you iron your speedos too. You need to get out more.
Mostly B. I am fairly sure you can remove another man's speedos faster than you can throw a jab.You need to go to the clinic.
Mostly Cs. It's your round. You need to go to the bar. Can I have some yak's curd with my beer please?

Last edited on 1/09/2019 6:16 PM by Ironbull

Comments (12)

Seniorboxer (31 gold) 1/09/2019 3:39 PM

Who needs "A"?

Next week is a wrestlers meet, I will see how I can use this 😀


surrey71 (25 platinum) 1/09/2019 5:51 PM

Pure brilliance, as always!
I’m half A and half C!


AussieBoxer (22 ) 1/09/2019 8:50 PM

Do you write professionally?


Ironbull (101) 1/09/2019 9:12 PM

(In reply to this)

Yes but I spell it with one L..... lol


Ironbull (101) 1/09/2019 9:16 PM

(In reply to this)

Sorry, I was being flippant. Sort of but not fun stuff like this.


AussieBoxer (22 ) 1/09/2019 9:34 PM

I bet you'd thrive writing some kind of fun column


Alecmusc (17 platinum) 1/10/2019 9:14 PM

I need professional help!


Alecmusc (17 platinum) 1/10/2019 9:15 PM

You are always brilliant!


pinningmuscle (0 silver) 1/11/2019 1:29 AM

Great post and seriously fun. I’m A few A’s and B’s and like you, I like to write.


hephaestion2014 (59) 1/12/2019 12:49 AM

I was mostly Ds

I fight the systems 😉🚩


Sam London (40) 2/01/2019 3:45 PM

Hur hur. I aspire to the A's but nearly all B's and C's.

I was in China, practically no one learns martial arts, they are far more likely to be practising Mozart. Shaolin does a roaring trade in dim Western tourists who believe they could answer A's, but apparently serious fighters wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.


Ironbull (101) 2/01/2019 3:49 PM

(In reply to this)

That's why I box rather than train in something unprnouncable. At leastI know what a hook and jab are, although if anyone can tell methe origin of "Southpaw" I'll be fascinated to hear it