A Fight Story -
This is Laredo, Texas. Even though this is the month of April, it's hot because this is Laredo, Texas. My name is Carlos. As most men do, I wear a gun. But even without my gun, the men of Laredo fear me because no one is as strong as Carlos. So why is a man like that walking down my street? "HEY YOU! ARE YOU LOST?"
The strange looking man turns to say, "Do you own any of these storefront properties and if so are you willing to sell? If the answer is no then we have nothing to discuss." "Are you saying that Carlos is not good enough for you to talk to? Who are you and what are you doing in my town?" "My name is none of your concern. But for your information I am here on business and if you don't mind your own business you will have Wilmer H. Drump of New York City to answer to." Unimpressed, Carlos seethes, "I do not answer to nothing. YOU will answer. Maybe I MAKE you answer."
Carlos stands in front of the businessman from New York. Carlos is only about 5'6" but is a stout man of 240 lbs. He often performs feats of strength for the purposes of intimidation or entertainment. The New Yorker stands over half a foot taller but typically does his fighting through words and lawyers. Carlos looks up at Drump. "You think you are a big man. You think you belong in my town? You think you can shove Carlos out of the way and make money in my town? Come to the saloon tonight and I will show you what I think."
"Are you threatening me, little man? I won't be intimidated by riff-raff or thugs. But if you're challenging me to some sort of contest we'll find out just who this town belongs to." Both men are in their 40's and weigh about the same. But the New Yorker is soft and flabby. Still, his disdain for those of a darker complexion, a shorter stature and a lower social strata leads him to accept the challenge. Drump sneers as he contemplates humiliating the local bully.
Wilmer H. Drump has a valet/bodyguard by the name of Tom N. Sannity. While not a large man Sannity is ruthless and will do or say anything for his boss. It's Sannity's job to make sure that nothing goes wrong for Drump. And if his boss gets in a fight, Sannity is always there to make sure that Drump wins. "Okay, Tom, have you got your blackjack?" "Right here, Mr. Drump. A couple of good whacks to the back of his head and he'll be weak as a kitten." "Good man. I'll move him toward you and the first chance you get, use it."
Sannity enters the saloon first and looks for a good spot to do his dirty work. Carlos sits alone at a table, studying everyone who enters. He hasn't seen Sannity before but it registers that this man has appeared in his town the same day as Drump. Carlos is no fool. He has another shot of tequila and waits. There...there he is. The pale white man with the strange hair enters the saloon. "Wilma! Come over here." "The name is Wilmer, or Mr. Drump, to you." "Mr. Dump, so you want to do business in Laredo? Then you will fight me. If you beat Carlos, then I will leave and you do what you want. If Carlos beats you, then you will leave." "Your terms are agreeable."
Space has been cleared and the crowd gathers, giving ample room for the two men. Drump takes his shirt off, revealing his large, pale body of which he is inexplicably proud. Drump addresses the crowd, "I am going to fight this man and after I beat this man, he is out of here and then you will do business with me, understood?" When Carlos removes his shirt he reveals a thick, hard, muscular body. The expression on Drump's face changes and he quickly finds his hired thug, Sannity, in the crowd. Carlos flexes his large muscles for his cheering crowd.
The two men square off. Drump throws jabs to keep Carlos back. "I've trained with professional prizefighters. You're going to regret your decision toOOOOOFFFF." Carlos drives a fist deep into Drump's gut. Drump groans and backs away. The crowd cheers for Carlos. Carlos moves in...Drump lands a jab to the face which does no damage. Carlos locks Drump's right arm under his arm and starts pounding Drump's gut. After five blows Drump slips free. Drump lurches toward Sannity who stands waiting to provide the equalizer. "Big man, where are you going? We have much more business to discuss." Once Drump is next to his bodyguard, he grabs Carlos and turns Carlos' back to Sannity. Sannity lands one hard blow to the back of Carlos' head with his blackjack before friends of Carlos knock the weapon out of his hand.
Carlos drops to the floor and Drump falls on top of him, covering Carlos with punches. Drump gets his hands around the neck of Carlos and starts banging the shorter man's head on the floor. Then Drump gets up and starts putting his boots into Carlos. Carlos groans from the attack. While Drump is walking around acting like the fight's over, Carlos sees Sannity picking up his blackjack and charges at the thug. Carlos grabs Sannity by the head and starts beating the hell out of him. "You want to fight Carlos? Come and fight me!" Carlos drags Sannity out on to the floor towards Drump. Carlos picks Sannity up and throws him at Drump. After a couple of well placed kicks, Carlos gets both men in headlocks. "Aaarrgghhhh." "Maybe the two of you can give Carlos a fight, eh?" Carlos releases the holds. He gets Sannity up, lifts him and throws him at Drump again. Then Carlos gets Drump, wraps him in a bearhug and then falls forward onto Sannity with Drump sandwiched between the two. With both men under him, Carlos straddles Drump and begins punching both men in the face. "HAHA! Why are you not fighting back? Fight Carlos!" Carlos sits on Drump's stunned face. "Maybe Carlos will build a wall around Laredo to keep out scum like you."
After beating both men into near submission, Carlos goes to the nearest table and takes a swig from a bottle of tequila. Then he takes the bottle and pours it on the faces of Drump and Sannity. "Here, have a drink." Looking down at the two delirious combatants, "Hey, you don't want to fight Carlos? You want to play?" Carlos turns Drump over facing Sannity. Then he sits on Drump's back, gets a hold of his chin and leans back. "AAAARRGGHHHHHHHH." "Now we play. This is a good game, yes?" Then Carlos shoves Drump off to the side and wraps a choke hold around Sannity's throat. "AArrggh." "You strike Carlos from behind like a woman. Maybe you want to suck your boss." Carlos picks Sannity up and drops his face on Drump's crotch, with Sannity's crotch in Drump's face. Then Carlos sits on Sannity's back and flexes his biceps for the cheering crowd. "CARLOS, CARLOS, CARLOS..."
Then Carlos lays the two losers side by side and drives a knee into their balls. "AAARRGGHH." And with his left hand squeezing the throat of Sannity and his right around Drump's throat, "Carlos has won and you will leave my town." "AAARRGHHHHHHhhh...yes." "SAY IT LOUDER!" "YES, ALRIGHT. WE'LL GO!" And the people of Laredo see Wilmer H. Drump and Tom N. Sannity for what they are - liars, cheats, and losers.